MainStreet Award

Directors' Choice Award Winner

| script | breakdown | synopsis |

The Bitches of Ditmas Park

a musical in two acts by Dana Vance

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6 men / 6 women / 21 parts / (4 women play 1 role, 3 men play 1 role, and 5 actors play multiple roles)

Woman 1 SWEETIE is a fluffy white Lhasa Apso puppy. She is a very sweet, naive, extremely positive little dog.

Woman 2 GIZMO is a pure bred Border Collie. She is gay and in love with Lulu. Her owner is Marion.

Woman 3 PRINCESS is a beautiful Standard Poodle, always coiffed, sharp tongued. She has a weak spot for the male dogs.

Woman 4 MA owns a puppy mill upstate New York. She is an abusive drunk who watches TV and dreams of being a dancer. She’s a hillbilly with a twang.

Woman 5 COZETTE is a mongrel from Park Slope. She is half French and something else. PRECIOUS is a very mean Dachshund who has lost the use of his hind legs and has been fitted with wheels. BELL is a black French Bulldog. She has been raised in a puppy mill and cannot speak. MARION is Gizmo’s owner.

Woman 6 LULU is a very damaged, abused Shih Tzu adult female. HONEY is Steve’s wife, and the owner of Sweetie and Lulu.

Man 1 BUGSY is a Rhodesian Ridgeback who is a real player. He has a Brooklyn accent. CARLOS/CARLITA is a Pit Bull. He holds court in Prospect Park. He is effeminate and speaks with a Puerto Rican accent. STEVE is the owner of Sweetie and Lulu.

Man 2 LIGHTNING is a very old fat Chow. He is the wisest dog in the neighborhood. Lightning speaks with an Indian accent.

Man 3 SPARKY is a very handsome Irish Setter. He is a loyal dog, takes charge when he needs to and is an all around good dog.

Man 4 MOBY is a white Labrador. He stutters and is always with his blanket. TIMMY is a 6 year old boy whose father is The Boss. Sparky is his dog.

Man 5 OGRE works in a puppy mill. He is a real hick. He is sadistic and speaks with a southern twang.

Man 6 BOWSER is an Airedale. He carries a sock in his mouth all the time. He has a Boston accent. THE BOSS owns Sparky. SAM is the owner of Princess.


The Bitches of Ditmas Park is a soap opera musical about the loves and losses of 3 female dogs who live in a beautiful Victorian neighborhood called Ditmas Park in Brooklyn, NY. The underlying theme is about getting rid of puppy mills, and encouraging people to adopt dogs from shelters, with some spiritual lessons along the way.

Gizmo, a lesbian Border Collie, is in love with Lulu, a Shih Tzu, who disappeared a over year ago. Sweetie, a Lhasa Apso puppy is worried about her “‘parents” getting divorced. Princess, a self absorbed Standard Poodle is fighting with a French Mongrel from Park Slope over Bugsy, a Ridgeback from the “hood.” Adding to the mix are Carlos/Carlita, a Puerto Rican Pit Bull who is changing his sexual identity, Moby, a stuttering Labrador, Precious, a bitingly mean dachshund, and Lightning, an wise old Chow and descendent of Dogpack Chopper— he dispenses spiritual advice to the dogs. Sparky, a handsome all American Irish Setter, is taken to the puppy mill, only to find Lulu, Gizmo’s love interest, in a cage and in bad shape. They escape but the villains, Ma and Ogre, seek revenge. All the dogs get together, fight back and save the day. In the end, an upstage screen lights up and shows pictures/video of dogs available for adoption at the local shelter.


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